Did I Really Lose That Much? Probably Not

Total weight to lose by 04/30/17 - 10 pounds
Weight lost to date - 9 pounds

Did I really lose 7 pounds overnight? Most likely not. I am skeptical. Either the scale was wrong four times this morning or I lost a bunch of water weight or something. Still I tend not to believe it. We will see what it says in the morning I am sure but I am not going to get too excited about it just yet.

I did well yesterday and stayed under my goal of 20 grams of carbs per day. I am finding it very difficult to do this however and to be able to sustain this diet long term I may bump it up to 30 grams per day or even 40 until I can really get the hang of this and figure out what the right levels for me are. I don't want to crash and burn like I always do by pushing too hard.

I ended up at 34 grams of carbs today because I decided that cereal was what I wanted for breakfast and it was a whopping 23 carbs. Ugh. I am going grocery shopping tomorrow to get plenty of eggs and turkey bacon for breakfasts in the morning so I don't have to rely on cereal or oatmeal.

Breakfast: Cereal

Protein - 1 gram
Carbs - 23 grams

Lunch: Chicken taco salad (Baby spinach, ground chicken, 1 avocado, salsa verde, Tostitos salsa con queso)

Protein - 21 grams
Carbs - 10 Grams

Dinner: 2 Hard Boiled Eggs, three slices of santa fe turkey

Protein - 23 grams
Carbs - 2 grams

I managed to drink an entire bottle of water today and am working on my second now. My goal is one bottle per day for a week. So far so good. Tomorrow I am going to have a full glass of water with every drink that I have and I should have no problem getting my water intake tomorrow.

Tomorrow is my set cheat day but I am going to still eat well during the day so that I have plenty of carbs for beer during karaoke. I am going to visit Chiggy's for breakfast in the morning to have a nice low-carb omelet and some bacon and then I am going to have my leftover lemongrass turkey on spinach with an avocado for lunch. The hard part will be not snacking while I am out getting my nails done and grocery shopping. I will have to buy some almonds or something to eat.

Onward and downward (lower numbers on the scale and my waist!)

"Pure Water is the World's First and Foremost Medicine"...But What If You Hate Water?

Total weight loss goal by 4/30/17 - 10 pounds
Weight loss to date - 2 pounds

Yes...I hate water. It makes me feel nauseous when I drink it. I don't know why. I don't care that there is no taste to it, that doesn't bother me. But when I drink it I feel sick all day long. So I have to try really hard to figure out a way to actually drink it because I know the benefits.

I am supposedly supposed to be drinking enough ounces in a day to equal half my body weight. So let's say I was 200 pounds (oh what a nice thought that would be), I would have to drink 100 ounces of water a day. That is so much water. That almost seems like too much. Right now I drink maybe 20-40 ounces per week. That's right...WEEK. Did I mention how much I hate water?

I know I need to drink more of it. I understand that. I am going to give it a good old college try. I am going to start slowly because if I push myself to far too quickly I am going to quit just as quickly. I am going to attempt one 20 ounce bottle per day to start with for a week. From there I will up it to two bottles per day and so on. I am thinking I should invest in getting some anti-nausea medication just in case. So far today I have downed about 10 ounces so I am on track to getting 20 down.

I found today that coffee is going to be difficult. I don't like coffee that much so when I get it I put skim milk and Sweet N Low in it plus whatever flavor shot I am feeling like having that day. After looking at the sugar and carbs that come in whatever type of dairy product I put in there I can see that I will be saving a lot of money by not going to Dunks. I would rather have no coffee at all then drink it with no cream or milk in it. Almond milk still has a lot of sugar in it so that is out as well. Not worth wasting my carbs on when I am only drinking it for the caffeine boost.

Today is my first full day where I am attempting this food lifestyle change. So far it has gone well. I had a little trouble figuring out breakfast because My Fitness Pal was a little iffy with it's omelet info. I finally found something that was low-carb, high protein, and delicious from Chez Vachon:

3 egg omelet with mushrooms, green peppers, onions, and pepperjack cheese
Side of bacon (6 strips extra crispy)

Protein - 43.4 grams
Carbs - 5.5 grams

For lunch I had a repeat of yesterday's lunch which was:

Santa Fe deli turkey
2 hard boiled eggs
Turkey pepperoni

Protein - 45.6 grams
Carbs - 3.3 grams

So I still have 11.2 grams of carbs that I can have for the day but my dinner is not even going to come near that. I am going to have another chicken taco salad left from the other night. I may even treat myself to a Stella Artois with dinner since I will have some carbs left.

Ground chicken with taco seasoning
Baby spinach
Small amount of shredded taco cheese
Salsa Verde

Protein - 31.7 grams
Carbs - 5.4 grams

I found a great recipe for pepperoni and mozzarella stuffed chicken that I am excited to make tomorrow only I will be using a turkey tenderloin instead of chicken. I will have greens (spring mix salad) on the side instead of cooking up veggies.

Sunday is going to be my "cheat day" since that is karaoke night and I like drinking beer on those nights. I will try to stick with Michelob Ultra or Corona Light. I can also have vodka and soda water but if I am going to drink liquor I would rather have sweet drinks which I really shouldn't have because of the sugar and carb content. So beer it is! Wish me luck. Lol.

Keto...Is it the Way to Go?

I have been really frustrated lately. I had done well losing 30 pounds but then it all came back and thensome because yet again, I failed. My relationship with food is awful and needs to change. I understand this, I have to come to terms with this, I have to change this. I want to go all full steam ahead but I know that this is not a process to be rushed or to just jump into without a safety net. One step at a time.

One of my friends suggested a Keto/Low Carb/High Fat "diet". I use the term diet loosely because it's not really a diet, it's a lifestyle change. It would be a big change in how I eat because I am all about the carbs. Pizza, tacos, sugar, you name it. I am going to have to really think about what I am eating and view everything as a carb monster ready to attack my body.

First thing's first...gather recipes that involve food I will actually eat. I only eat chicken and turkey and on a rare occasion, some red meat. Poultry is high in protein and extremely low in carbs. I enjoy pepperoni and turkey bacon too and those are both either carb-free or low carb as well.

So now that I have the meat portion down I need to figure out what to dress it with so I am not having the same old boring thing every night. Tonight I made turkey chops in the crockpot with lemongrass and coconut oil and it was delicious. I have never used either of those ingredients before but they really made a nice flavor. Saturday I am making a pepperoni and mozzarella stuffed turkey tenderloin with veggies on the side. The trick there is to find a marinara sauce that is not loaded with sugar and carbs. I may have to buy a small food processor so I can make my own.

I am going to ignore exercise at this point and not try to jump into that too. One step at a time. I don't want to overwhelm myself with huge changes because that is going to hurt more than it will help. First fix the food relationship, then fix my lack of exercise.

The hardest part that I am going to have is staying away from the things that I love like ice cream, pizza (although there are alternatives to that), and other sweet foods. I also have to remember that a cheat day is allowed and will not completely destroy my progress.

Next I am going to need to figure out how to get more water into my system. I am lucky if I have more than 40 ounces per week when I should be having twice that at least every day. I just don't like drinking anything throughout my day for some reason. That needs to be fixed. Drinking water is a huge part of losing weight and regulating when goes into my body.

So I guess we shall see. I am sure that I will fail and fall off the wagon multiple times. I just have to find something that will work for me because I am tired of getting bigger and bigger. Enough is enough.

Because I'm Happy!!!

So since I have dropped almost 30 pounds at this point and have been able to wear dresses that I could never wear before I have noticed something...it is fun to be a girl! I can wear make-up and a dress and actually feel great about how I look instead of wearing pants all the time and shirts that are too big for me to cover everything up. It is all about the cut and cling with the clothing that I have been wearing. I am finding out more and more what works and what doesn't work when it comes to dresses. I have been getting compliments from people out at the bar that I go to on how I look which is amazing. It feels great to have people say that I look good!

With all of this new confidence I have also been able to let go of past relationships. I don't have to hold on to things that aren't a part of my life anymore. That has been one of the most liberating things for me. I am someone who swore up and down that I would never be in another relationship again after the damage that was done. But here I am, developing feelings for people and even wanting to start a relationship. I am ready. Even though the person that I would have liked to be in a relationship with isn't the right one at this point in time, it is still a step forward in knowing that I really am okay. I have let go of the past and am looking towards the future. I am at a point where I am so happy with life and loving the way things are going that I feel like I can be happy in other areas of my life as well. I now love myself, even if I am not yet at the weight I would want, which means that I can open myself up to caring for someone else too. It's a good feeling.

I have been slipping a bit with the foods that I have been eating but I have not been gaining weight. I have made sure that even when I do slip I don't backtrack. I simply stay on the same path that I have been. The biggest issue that I have is sleep. I don't get nearly enough (I say as I am typing this less than 4 hours before work and I have yet to go to bed). I can tell that sleep is a huge part of this process as I gain quite a bit of weight from day to day when I haven't had sleep. I am just having so much fun going out and being around people who I truly enjoy being around that sleep falls to the bottom or the priorities list.

The most important part is that I'm HAPPY. I love life. I love the people I have in my life. I love my amazing son. I love the fact that I am able to look in the mirror and think that I look good. I love that I get the chance to go out and be around the people that make me even happier. I love that finally, for the first time in a long long long long time, I want to be around others instead of in bed thinking about how depressed I am. You know why? Because I am not depressed anymore!

To everyone who has helped me along in this journey, to those who compliment the way that I dress, and to all of those who have told me I am beautiful...THANK YOU. I love you all and am so thankful every day that I get to have people like you in my life.

I Think a Change...Did Me Some Good

I kind of love clothes shopping now. Even though I am only down 2 dress sizes and still have to wear plus-sized stuff I have come to terms with what looks good and what does not. Before I would buy the biggest thing possible to hide any curves that I had. Now I am figuring out what is flattering and wearing clothes that are actually my size. I have been going on a dress buying spree lately and have been loving it. 

Yesterday I found a dress that I really wanted but was a little more $ than I wanted to spend. I consoled myself by saying that it wouldn't look good on me anyway and so I went to try it on in the dressing room, prepared to see how horrible it would look. Well guess what? It didn't look horrible at all. It looked great, fit great, and is so comfortable. Long story short I found coupons, and I bought it. I am so excited to wear it out tonight even though it is freezing out and not dress weather at all. This is me not caring!!

I have never liked going clothes shopping before. It was something that I had to do when I needed something new but most of the time I would wear hoodies. I didn't care if it was 90 degrees out, I wanted to hide my body because I was ashamed. As I have gone along in this process I have given up caring about what other people think about me. If they don't like the way I look, that is their prerogative. If I am comfortable in something I am going to wear it. I like this confidence.

My new attitude towards my body has drastically impacted my attitude with other things as well. I am more outgoing, I am happier, and I am not ashamed of who I am anymore.

I am 25 pounds lighter and so much happier than I have been in a long long time. 

Cravings...You Will Not Take Over

Today has been unnecessarily stressful. Usually when I am stressed out I eat. Part of the reason I got to the place that I did. I am craving a pizza so badly right now. I even went so far as to open my internet browser and head over to papajohns.com. I closed it and said no. Then a few minutes later I opened it again and logged in. I closed it again and said no. I opened it once more, logged in, put in my promo code and put my order together. I sat and looked at the checkout cart. Looked at all of the carbs, sodium, fat, and calories staring me in the face. That little voice in my head kept saying no no no no no. It isn't worth it.

I got up and walked into the bathroom. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I studied my lower abdomen which has become considerably smaller since I started this journey. I know I didn't get here by eating pizza. I didn't lose the weight I have lost so far by giving in to cravings and thinking "Tomorrow is another day, I can make it up tomorrow by eating well".

I sat back down and looked at the screen. I stared at it. I started at it for about 10 minutes before I closed the tab again. I am trying as hard as I can to fight that urge to order the pizza. It would be so easy. Just push the checkout button and boom. Stress gone. For about half an hour. Then I would spend the rest of the night stressing about how horribly I ate today and how awful the scale numbers are going to be tomorrow.

This is why depriving yourself of all of the foods that you used to eat is a bad thing. The cravings are horrible. On the other hand you can let yourself have certain things such as pizza in moderation as long as you stay under your calorie goal. However I know that once that pizza is in front of me there is no stopping me. It's like dumping chum in front of a shark. With that thought of a lack of self-control I know that I cannot order that pizza. I need to suck it up and eat something healthy. The cravings are not going to go away overnight but the important part is not giving in to them.

Sodium Is Killing Me!!!

I hate salty foods. I am not a salt kind of person. But every time I find a food that I like there is so much sodium in it it's not even funny. Like an egg white flatbread sandwich from Subway has over 1,800mg of sodium. That is an entire day's worth in one meal. I had a lot of sodium at dinner last night and paid for it in water weight on the scale this morning. Today I managed to stay under 1,000mg but I had to be really choosy about what I ate.

I was slightly disappointed to find that my cherry tomato and mozzarella cheese ball salad from Market Basket was so high in saturated fats because of the cheese but I looked some stuff and found out that it is not necessarily a bad thing. Fat and calories add up quickly so the more fat (preferably healthy fat) foods that you eat the less likely you are to overeat because you will have hit your calorie limit. Moderation is key I suppose! So I happily ate my cherry tomatoes and mozzarella cheese.

I did great with food today and had a lot of water to drink. On my first fifteen minute break at work today I went into the fitness room and did 15 minutes on the treadmill. It barely amounted to any distance but I burned 100 calories in 15 minutes so I would call that a success. I was going to do it on my last 15 too but didn't end up taking a second break.

I think I may have pushed myself a little too far yesterday. I walked around the loop we have at the office twice which equaled one mile. Then while I was on my lunch I did a hyped up cardio workout on the treadmill and have been dizzy ever since. I was extremely dizzy all day yesterday. It has mostly disappeared at this point but that is another reason I took it easy today. I am not sure why that happened but I know what my limit is I guess! The challenge will be working out tomorrow as I will be back at home without a treadmill or a nice campus to walk around. Youtube videos it is.

Breakfast - Greek Coco Almond Flip yogurt

Morning snack post workout - Almonds and a string cheese

Lunch - Half of a sesame roasted carrot and wheat bulger spinach salad, cherry tomatoes, mozzarella cheese balls

Afternoon snack - Italian macaroni salad

Dinner - Half of a small chicken pot pit

No evening snack.