Yup. I got sterilized on Friday. Everything went really well. I was not a fan of the first half hour after coming out of the anesthesia, but it hasn't been to horrible. The pain is immense, but I knew it was coming and have been trying not to take many pain meds. The meds they did give me don't help at all, so I guess it's better to not bother taking them at all! All in all, it was worth it, risking my life to get pregnant again is just not worth it to me, not to mention I do not want another child.
I don't really have a huge amount to blog right now as I am extremely exhausted and can't even think right now. Game time soon, GO GIANTS!!
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
Because You Can't Change Something That You Don't Understand
Well, it has been quite a while since I have even thought about this blog. Overtime at work has gotten the best of me, as has an over-abundance of bills. I have been behind on everything and have been working insane hours to try and keep up. I had a roommate for a month, and then she left. I have another moving in tomorrow, hopefully she will stay a little longer.
I wish I could come back from my hiatus and report that I have lost weight, am eating healthy, and have been exercising. In reality however, I have been eating terribly, have been horribly depressed, stopped going to the gym all together, and haven't lost a thing.
I donate $20 a month to help keep Planet Fitness running. I should feel good about that right? Community service, charity and all. I have just been too tired to go. The only time that I have time to go is at 2am when I get out of work. If I go there for an hour, come home, wind down, I am in bed by 4am, and then I have to wake up at 6:30am when Cody comes back to the house. That just doesn't work. Sleep trumps exercise. Money trumps sleep. Exercise trumps nothing. It's an epic battle of rock-paper-scissors with my life.
So, exercise is nil. Love, yeah that has gone right out the window and will never come back. I am dealing with the fact that I will never be in a relationship again. It's not that I don't want to be eventually, it's just that I don't feel that I am good enough for anyone. The male species doesn't even look my way or give me the time of day because I am not skinny, I don't have the usual attractive female features. I am fat. Guys don't like fat girls. Some can say they do but when it comes right down to it, no matter how awesome personalities are, given the chance to be with one or the other, they will take the fit chick. Almost every time. I have had interests, but none have been reciprocated, so I am going to take this down as a loss and move on.
Work gets more and more frustrating every day. I put in so much effort and it seems to go unnoticed. I don't need fanfare, I don't need a parade or anything. I would just for once like someone to say that I am doing a great job and that I am headed places. It doesn't seem like I am going to get very far unless I become more assertive which is not in my nature at all.
So that leave us with diet. What diet? The eat what I want when I want diet. I am not hungry. Usually during the day, I am not hungry in the least. And yet I still feel the need to eat. When I am sitting at work, I am doing my thing, not hungry in the least, and yet I still get this overwhelming urge to snack that takes control. Granted I have at least been keeping decent stuff to eat at my desk so that it doesn't turn out too horribly, but I should not be eating when I am not hungry. I need to find something that distracts my brain so I don't think about food at all. I don't have the money to buy good food at the grocery store, so I am forced to buy Ramen, or Kraft, or plain old bread and peanut butter. I buy frozen veggies and soup every now and then but I really have to be in the mood for them. Tonight my supper was cotton candy ice cream with gummy bears. Great supper huh?
I need to get out of my funk. I think the first place I need to start is a therapist. I need to talk out my feelings with someone who is impartial, who will listen, and who may be able to pinpoint why I am so horribly depressed. (Although I am pretty sure I can pinpoint the root of it). From there who knows what will happen, but we will see I suppose. (Having major deja vu right now)
So that is my rant and self-loathing for the night. Take it as you will.
I wish I could come back from my hiatus and report that I have lost weight, am eating healthy, and have been exercising. In reality however, I have been eating terribly, have been horribly depressed, stopped going to the gym all together, and haven't lost a thing.
I donate $20 a month to help keep Planet Fitness running. I should feel good about that right? Community service, charity and all. I have just been too tired to go. The only time that I have time to go is at 2am when I get out of work. If I go there for an hour, come home, wind down, I am in bed by 4am, and then I have to wake up at 6:30am when Cody comes back to the house. That just doesn't work. Sleep trumps exercise. Money trumps sleep. Exercise trumps nothing. It's an epic battle of rock-paper-scissors with my life.
So, exercise is nil. Love, yeah that has gone right out the window and will never come back. I am dealing with the fact that I will never be in a relationship again. It's not that I don't want to be eventually, it's just that I don't feel that I am good enough for anyone. The male species doesn't even look my way or give me the time of day because I am not skinny, I don't have the usual attractive female features. I am fat. Guys don't like fat girls. Some can say they do but when it comes right down to it, no matter how awesome personalities are, given the chance to be with one or the other, they will take the fit chick. Almost every time. I have had interests, but none have been reciprocated, so I am going to take this down as a loss and move on.
Work gets more and more frustrating every day. I put in so much effort and it seems to go unnoticed. I don't need fanfare, I don't need a parade or anything. I would just for once like someone to say that I am doing a great job and that I am headed places. It doesn't seem like I am going to get very far unless I become more assertive which is not in my nature at all.
So that leave us with diet. What diet? The eat what I want when I want diet. I am not hungry. Usually during the day, I am not hungry in the least. And yet I still feel the need to eat. When I am sitting at work, I am doing my thing, not hungry in the least, and yet I still get this overwhelming urge to snack that takes control. Granted I have at least been keeping decent stuff to eat at my desk so that it doesn't turn out too horribly, but I should not be eating when I am not hungry. I need to find something that distracts my brain so I don't think about food at all. I don't have the money to buy good food at the grocery store, so I am forced to buy Ramen, or Kraft, or plain old bread and peanut butter. I buy frozen veggies and soup every now and then but I really have to be in the mood for them. Tonight my supper was cotton candy ice cream with gummy bears. Great supper huh?
I need to get out of my funk. I think the first place I need to start is a therapist. I need to talk out my feelings with someone who is impartial, who will listen, and who may be able to pinpoint why I am so horribly depressed. (Although I am pretty sure I can pinpoint the root of it). From there who knows what will happen, but we will see I suppose. (Having major deja vu right now)
So that is my rant and self-loathing for the night. Take it as you will.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
So yeah. I am in a mood. Won't get into details about some of the stuff that has gone on today, but more of a general vent about stuff from the last few months. I have been so busy it's not even funny, could be why I haven't updated in who knows how long.
Working 13-14 hour days...every weekday. When I am not insane on the weekday I am editing photos like a mad woman on the weekends because that is the only time I have to do it unless I don't sleep, like I am doing right now. There is just so much to do and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier. I really need to hire a cleaning crew to come in here and just wipe everything out for me. Anyone want to sign me up for a cleaning show on TLC or something? I have been so busy with work lately that I have not had much time to clean, and the little time I did have seemed to be wasted because the stuff I cleaned was dirty again within five minutes. I can't wait to get rid of these damn kittens, that's all I have to say.
I have been following along with my high school reunion page on Facebook, and at first I was excited about it, but the more I thought about it, the less I wanted to go. Pretty sure I am not going to be going. There is really no point. The people that I talked to in high school I still talk to for the most part, they already know what has been going on with me. So to that effect, why would I want to go to a room filled with people from high school that tormented me mercilessly because I was fat and ugly, when I am even bigger now than I was then? I have not accomplished much in life, in the middle of divorce that is dragging on and on, haven't completed any meaningful college degrees (my Associates in Lib Arts doesn't mean squat), and I am working at a job that is not what I want to do, am broke as hell, and really have nothing much that is interesting to say to those who didn't like me back then. Why would they care what I am up to now? It is just going to be an adult version of a school dance, only people will be getting drunk. All set with that. Like I said, I still talk to a good portion of the people I was lucky enough to be friends with in high school thanks to the magic of Facebook, and those I don't talk to anymore, well there is a reason. I would rather save the $25 to get in and spend the night hanging out with the munchkin who is one of the only parts of my life that I am actually proud of.
Ok, enough ranting about that.
Looking for a new place to live since the neighbors yet again are becoming intolerable. I really don't want to leave though, I love this apartment for the space, and the layout, and the view of the city. I don't love the parking, or the people living on the second floor who have now made it impossible for me to park in the driveway that I pay for as well. ONE CAR PER APARTMENT. I don't care if your boyfriend's Jeep is getting repossessed and you want to park behind him to stop them from taking it. If they want it, they will get it. Doesn't mean you have to park all the way at the end of the driveway and take up three spaces to block him in. Stop being a douche.
I wish I could move to Goffstown and get Cody into that school system. I was approached by a kid today who couldn't have been more than 12 years old, asking if he could bum a cigarette off me and swearing at me when I told him no because 1. I don't smoke, and 2. He was far too young to need one. He asked the guy in the car in front of me for money and started swearing at the guy when he got nothing. Then there were the little ghetto trash kids beating the crap out of each other for the fun of it, or the circle of kids calling this poor little girl ugly and stupid. I don't want Cody learning this type of behavior, and it sickens me to think that these kids are probably allowed to get away with this at home, if not learning it there. I can't imagine speaking like they did when I was that young, they are so disrespectful. I guess the best that Steve and I can do is teach Cody right from wrong and hope that he has the good sense to listen and be well-behaved. If he ever bullies anyone he is going to military school. I will NOT tolerate that.
Work is finally calming down a little with the insanity that I have been going through for the last few weeks. I was in coaching the new class and still having to be the go-to person for the people on the floor, plus audit other people's work while trying to process my own and it was just too much at once. I felt like a failure because I wasn't able to handle it all, but then I took a step back and realized that I was trying to take on far too much. I spoke with my manager about it and we were able to give me a day where I could just concentrate on the class and my work. Now that I am not in the class anymore and am back to my normal processing, I feel much less stressed. I missed being at my own desk, listening to my shows or music.
My diet, which this whole blog was essentially about, is non-existant. I still have yet to go to the gym, I am just too tired after working so much. I hardly eat, and when I do it's not super healthy, and yet I have lost 10 pounds. I am sure it is not a healthy 10 pounds, more like stress, lack of sleep and lack of food pounds. Hopefully I can get back on track at some point, but right now there is so much to focus on that does not include counting carbs and calories.
I guess that is all for now. I am going to continue my editing and thinking about some of the great things that are coming up this month. The 16th is going to be fantastically relaxing and I cannot wait. I get to spend the whole day with my dad which I have not gotten to do in a long time, plus vacation with Cody is coming up soon as well. Too bad we can't go to Canada...stupid passports.
Working 13-14 hour days...every weekday. When I am not insane on the weekday I am editing photos like a mad woman on the weekends because that is the only time I have to do it unless I don't sleep, like I am doing right now. There is just so much to do and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier. I really need to hire a cleaning crew to come in here and just wipe everything out for me. Anyone want to sign me up for a cleaning show on TLC or something? I have been so busy with work lately that I have not had much time to clean, and the little time I did have seemed to be wasted because the stuff I cleaned was dirty again within five minutes. I can't wait to get rid of these damn kittens, that's all I have to say.
I have been following along with my high school reunion page on Facebook, and at first I was excited about it, but the more I thought about it, the less I wanted to go. Pretty sure I am not going to be going. There is really no point. The people that I talked to in high school I still talk to for the most part, they already know what has been going on with me. So to that effect, why would I want to go to a room filled with people from high school that tormented me mercilessly because I was fat and ugly, when I am even bigger now than I was then? I have not accomplished much in life, in the middle of divorce that is dragging on and on, haven't completed any meaningful college degrees (my Associates in Lib Arts doesn't mean squat), and I am working at a job that is not what I want to do, am broke as hell, and really have nothing much that is interesting to say to those who didn't like me back then. Why would they care what I am up to now? It is just going to be an adult version of a school dance, only people will be getting drunk. All set with that. Like I said, I still talk to a good portion of the people I was lucky enough to be friends with in high school thanks to the magic of Facebook, and those I don't talk to anymore, well there is a reason. I would rather save the $25 to get in and spend the night hanging out with the munchkin who is one of the only parts of my life that I am actually proud of.
Ok, enough ranting about that.
Looking for a new place to live since the neighbors yet again are becoming intolerable. I really don't want to leave though, I love this apartment for the space, and the layout, and the view of the city. I don't love the parking, or the people living on the second floor who have now made it impossible for me to park in the driveway that I pay for as well. ONE CAR PER APARTMENT. I don't care if your boyfriend's Jeep is getting repossessed and you want to park behind him to stop them from taking it. If they want it, they will get it. Doesn't mean you have to park all the way at the end of the driveway and take up three spaces to block him in. Stop being a douche.
I wish I could move to Goffstown and get Cody into that school system. I was approached by a kid today who couldn't have been more than 12 years old, asking if he could bum a cigarette off me and swearing at me when I told him no because 1. I don't smoke, and 2. He was far too young to need one. He asked the guy in the car in front of me for money and started swearing at the guy when he got nothing. Then there were the little ghetto trash kids beating the crap out of each other for the fun of it, or the circle of kids calling this poor little girl ugly and stupid. I don't want Cody learning this type of behavior, and it sickens me to think that these kids are probably allowed to get away with this at home, if not learning it there. I can't imagine speaking like they did when I was that young, they are so disrespectful. I guess the best that Steve and I can do is teach Cody right from wrong and hope that he has the good sense to listen and be well-behaved. If he ever bullies anyone he is going to military school. I will NOT tolerate that.
Work is finally calming down a little with the insanity that I have been going through for the last few weeks. I was in coaching the new class and still having to be the go-to person for the people on the floor, plus audit other people's work while trying to process my own and it was just too much at once. I felt like a failure because I wasn't able to handle it all, but then I took a step back and realized that I was trying to take on far too much. I spoke with my manager about it and we were able to give me a day where I could just concentrate on the class and my work. Now that I am not in the class anymore and am back to my normal processing, I feel much less stressed. I missed being at my own desk, listening to my shows or music.
My diet, which this whole blog was essentially about, is non-existant. I still have yet to go to the gym, I am just too tired after working so much. I hardly eat, and when I do it's not super healthy, and yet I have lost 10 pounds. I am sure it is not a healthy 10 pounds, more like stress, lack of sleep and lack of food pounds. Hopefully I can get back on track at some point, but right now there is so much to focus on that does not include counting carbs and calories.
I guess that is all for now. I am going to continue my editing and thinking about some of the great things that are coming up this month. The 16th is going to be fantastically relaxing and I cannot wait. I get to spend the whole day with my dad which I have not gotten to do in a long time, plus vacation with Cody is coming up soon as well. Too bad we can't go to Canada...stupid passports.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
It's the Art of Losing
So I was right about that new position. I did not get it. Not sure who did, but I know it wasn't me. They told me all the reasons that I was a strong candidate for the position, but then told me that my weakness was that I haven't done this program that we have at work that is like a leadership seminar. I really do not want to be involved in this program because I have heard around the way that it isn't worth it because it still doesn't get you anywhere. Who knows. Guess I am going to have to do it if I ever want to make something of myself there.
This along with everything else that has been going on lead me to go on a mini shopping binge. I bought alcohol, I bought these new Dreamsicle Oreos, gummy worms, Pop Tarts (more for Cody than myself but still), and ice cream. However, even with buying all of that, I have hardly touched it. Cookies are still shut, I had a few gummy worms today, haven't touched the half gallon of Red velvet ice cream I bought. I had the alcohol, or some of it anyway, and about half of my Chunky Monkey. At least I was able to restrain myself. The old me would have cleared all of that out in no time flat. Score one for me.
Went back to the doctor this week to see why I was still getting sick even after stopping the meds. All my bloodwork came back normal, but of course, the med that was going to help me lose a little weight is now off the table. No pituitary tumor either which is really good news. No idea why I am still getting sick, it's gradually getting better, but still get slightly nauseous at random times during the day. I guess we will see what the OB has to say and see if there is something else I can go on to help with the insulin resistance.
Today I am just going to try and focus on getting Cody ready for school (which starts on Friday and I cannot wait), and going to try and have a good time tonight at the American Idol concert and then out for karaoke and drinks with some good friends after. Definitely going to stock up on heartburn meds today though.
I guess the best thing that I can do at this point is continue to work my ass off and do the best job that I possibly can and maybe something good will end up coming from it. Who knows.
This along with everything else that has been going on lead me to go on a mini shopping binge. I bought alcohol, I bought these new Dreamsicle Oreos, gummy worms, Pop Tarts (more for Cody than myself but still), and ice cream. However, even with buying all of that, I have hardly touched it. Cookies are still shut, I had a few gummy worms today, haven't touched the half gallon of Red velvet ice cream I bought. I had the alcohol, or some of it anyway, and about half of my Chunky Monkey. At least I was able to restrain myself. The old me would have cleared all of that out in no time flat. Score one for me.
Went back to the doctor this week to see why I was still getting sick even after stopping the meds. All my bloodwork came back normal, but of course, the med that was going to help me lose a little weight is now off the table. No pituitary tumor either which is really good news. No idea why I am still getting sick, it's gradually getting better, but still get slightly nauseous at random times during the day. I guess we will see what the OB has to say and see if there is something else I can go on to help with the insulin resistance.
Today I am just going to try and focus on getting Cody ready for school (which starts on Friday and I cannot wait), and going to try and have a good time tonight at the American Idol concert and then out for karaoke and drinks with some good friends after. Definitely going to stock up on heartburn meds today though.
I guess the best thing that I can do at this point is continue to work my ass off and do the best job that I possibly can and maybe something good will end up coming from it. Who knows.
Friday, August 19, 2011
All the Single Ladies, All the Single Ladies
Now put your hands up....
Bad medication + losing your other half + losing out on everything good at work = Bad diet on it's way.
So this new medication I am on, Metformin, is AWFUL. I get sick every single day, the other night I passed out on the bathroom floor because I couldn't make it back to my room long enough to lie down without getting sick. I haven't eaten a full meal that has stayed down in two weeks now. I am exhausted, getting headaches, and just plain worn out. The doctor wants to get me in for an MRI because there is a slight possibility I could have a tumor (most likely non-cancerous) on my pituitary gland. After looking up the symptoms it would certainly make a lot of sense, but we will see I guess.
Because of me being as sick and exhausted as I have been, it led me to let someone down and now I no longer have that someone. Granted I think that decision was quite rash and if he really realized how sick I actually am, that decision would not have been made so hastily, but that is up to him, not me.
At work, yeah, feeling more defeated than ever. I missed out on yet another round of people going work from home, and also do not believe that I am getting that position I applied for that would make everything so much better. Guess I am just going to have to go in for two or three hours of over time during the day while Cody is in school and then do my regular shift so that I can make the extra money. I am not even so much upset about the fact that I won't get the pay increase, but the fact that I KNOW I would be great at this job, but will not be given the chance to show it. I feel like I am never going to go anywhere with this company because I keep getting turned down for advancements. Way to boost morale. I was on the verge of tears last night at work because it's just so disheartening.
I guess that is all for my pity party today. Time to do some transcription and make some dough.
Bad medication + losing your other half + losing out on everything good at work = Bad diet on it's way.
So this new medication I am on, Metformin, is AWFUL. I get sick every single day, the other night I passed out on the bathroom floor because I couldn't make it back to my room long enough to lie down without getting sick. I haven't eaten a full meal that has stayed down in two weeks now. I am exhausted, getting headaches, and just plain worn out. The doctor wants to get me in for an MRI because there is a slight possibility I could have a tumor (most likely non-cancerous) on my pituitary gland. After looking up the symptoms it would certainly make a lot of sense, but we will see I guess.
Because of me being as sick and exhausted as I have been, it led me to let someone down and now I no longer have that someone. Granted I think that decision was quite rash and if he really realized how sick I actually am, that decision would not have been made so hastily, but that is up to him, not me.
At work, yeah, feeling more defeated than ever. I missed out on yet another round of people going work from home, and also do not believe that I am getting that position I applied for that would make everything so much better. Guess I am just going to have to go in for two or three hours of over time during the day while Cody is in school and then do my regular shift so that I can make the extra money. I am not even so much upset about the fact that I won't get the pay increase, but the fact that I KNOW I would be great at this job, but will not be given the chance to show it. I feel like I am never going to go anywhere with this company because I keep getting turned down for advancements. Way to boost morale. I was on the verge of tears last night at work because it's just so disheartening.
I guess that is all for my pity party today. Time to do some transcription and make some dough.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
I Want a New Drug, One That Won't Make Me Sick
So I had a visit with my OB today regarding the birth control pill I have been on. It's supposed to be regulating everything, but in fact it's completely screwing with my system. HOWEVER, thanks to the wonderful makers of the NuvaRing, it is the only birth control I can have. I could have the Mirena IUD except that I have no insurance and it costs $1000. Yup, out of the question for now. I wish they would just take everything out and be done with it lol. So I was telling the OB about how I have rearranged my diet, a lot less sugar, no soda, eating healthier foods with more protein, cooking in healthier ways, and yet I am still gaining weight. I told her that I had been working out but I am just too tired at night to do it when I come home from work and cannot go during the day. Until Cody is in school anyway. She told me that my nutritionist and her suspected I was pre-diabetic due to the PCOS and that I needed to regulate that. So I am now on a pill called Metformin. It balances hormones (Which would be fantastic because I cry at EVERYTHING), it helps you to control the insulin output and sugar intake, and helps you to lose weight. So I am on board. I am hoping this will help give my body the push it needs and start to help me on my road to being able to name this Formerly Fat Girl Who Made It In a Skinny World.
Had my interview for the new position today. I may have totally screwed myself, but on the other hand my shift leader may have saved me completely. One answer to a question that gets taken out of context and I could end up losing the position. I clarified and plead my case, and hopefully she will note that. I know that she knows I can do this position, I will be good at it, and I am the right person for it, otherwise I don't think she would have asked me if I would change that answer. So here's to hoping, let's all keep everything crossed that we can. I will hear maybe next week or the week after that.
I guess that is all for now. I am beat.
Had my interview for the new position today. I may have totally screwed myself, but on the other hand my shift leader may have saved me completely. One answer to a question that gets taken out of context and I could end up losing the position. I clarified and plead my case, and hopefully she will note that. I know that she knows I can do this position, I will be good at it, and I am the right person for it, otherwise I don't think she would have asked me if I would change that answer. So here's to hoping, let's all keep everything crossed that we can. I will hear maybe next week or the week after that.
I guess that is all for now. I am beat.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
I'm Gonna Give All My Secrets Away
Not much has changed here. Still trying desperately to eat breakfast, and with my new-found love of fried eggs (in extra virgin olive oil, not butter), I have been doing really well. I eat two and it fills me up until lunch time. Still for the most part being good about eating a turkey sandwich for lunch, although today I had a few crab rangoon (Steve's fault. He knows he can't put that in front of me!) and had pizza for supper. Oh well. One day will not kill me.
I did however take a major step today. I was brought up always having dessert after supper, so when I eat dinner, I automatically am ready for dessert after a while. I went to the vending machine, got a package of Hostess Suzy Q's, and brought them back to my desk. They sat there for a good forty-five minutes. I opened them, took one bite, and then thought to myself "what am I doing?" and threw them right in the trash without a second thought. Yay me!!!! If it were ice cream, that would be a different story all together. But I was really proud of myself for that. You guys may not think that is anything at all, but trust me, to me that is huge. I also thought about going to Rite Aid and getting some Ben and Jerry's after work as well because I am having a Chunky Monkey withdrawal. I turned into the parking lot, and then turned right back out. I don't need to spend the money and I don't need the ice cream, especially this late at night. So I think I have taken two major steps in one day, thinking about what I am eating, and also thinking about my finances. GO ME.
I am still working like a dog, but this transcription job that I have has really made things easier. I make good money doing it, and I don't have to work all hours of the night. They sign on around 8am and they sign off at midnight, so there is no work for me when I get home. I get bored and go to bed instead of staying up until 5am working.
Tomorrow is my interview for the position that I want at work. I will get a laptop and have some opportunity to work from home (probably not a lot, but a few days here and there) and also it is 2 full pay grades higher, so I will be pulling in at least...hang on, have to calculate...almost $300 more per paycheck ($600 more a month!). And that is at their lowest starting salary. If I get paid the lowest starting salary within the competitive market range which is usually what they do, I will be making...gotta get the calculator again...$450 more per paycheck, which would almost be my rent per month!!!! That would be so amazing to be able to pay rent just with the extra that I would be making and have the rest for my other bills. I could start paying off Leon (who has been so patient I can't believe it), can pay off some debt, get my credit score up, and get a better car loan rate to have even more money per month! Honestly, I would love to have an account to set up where I can throw extra money aside for fun things to do with Steve and Cody, like Red Sox games every couple of weeks, or a weekend at the beach or Storyland or something. My parents always used to take us on these amazing vacations and I would love to be able to do that for Cody because those trips were some of the happiest times of my childhood.
Ok. Long post. Sorry. Didn't mean for that. :) I am done ranting and raving now.
Steve, I love you. Thank you for helping me along the way. <3
(I know, ewww, gross, yuck. Lol)
I did however take a major step today. I was brought up always having dessert after supper, so when I eat dinner, I automatically am ready for dessert after a while. I went to the vending machine, got a package of Hostess Suzy Q's, and brought them back to my desk. They sat there for a good forty-five minutes. I opened them, took one bite, and then thought to myself "what am I doing?" and threw them right in the trash without a second thought. Yay me!!!! If it were ice cream, that would be a different story all together. But I was really proud of myself for that. You guys may not think that is anything at all, but trust me, to me that is huge. I also thought about going to Rite Aid and getting some Ben and Jerry's after work as well because I am having a Chunky Monkey withdrawal. I turned into the parking lot, and then turned right back out. I don't need to spend the money and I don't need the ice cream, especially this late at night. So I think I have taken two major steps in one day, thinking about what I am eating, and also thinking about my finances. GO ME.
I am still working like a dog, but this transcription job that I have has really made things easier. I make good money doing it, and I don't have to work all hours of the night. They sign on around 8am and they sign off at midnight, so there is no work for me when I get home. I get bored and go to bed instead of staying up until 5am working.
Tomorrow is my interview for the position that I want at work. I will get a laptop and have some opportunity to work from home (probably not a lot, but a few days here and there) and also it is 2 full pay grades higher, so I will be pulling in at least...hang on, have to calculate...almost $300 more per paycheck ($600 more a month!). And that is at their lowest starting salary. If I get paid the lowest starting salary within the competitive market range which is usually what they do, I will be making...gotta get the calculator again...$450 more per paycheck, which would almost be my rent per month!!!! That would be so amazing to be able to pay rent just with the extra that I would be making and have the rest for my other bills. I could start paying off Leon (who has been so patient I can't believe it), can pay off some debt, get my credit score up, and get a better car loan rate to have even more money per month! Honestly, I would love to have an account to set up where I can throw extra money aside for fun things to do with Steve and Cody, like Red Sox games every couple of weeks, or a weekend at the beach or Storyland or something. My parents always used to take us on these amazing vacations and I would love to be able to do that for Cody because those trips were some of the happiest times of my childhood.
Ok. Long post. Sorry. Didn't mean for that. :) I am done ranting and raving now.
Steve, I love you. Thank you for helping me along the way. <3
(I know, ewww, gross, yuck. Lol)
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