I did a bunch of research today on different weight loss surgeries. I looked at case studies, before and afters, complications, requirements, and recovery times. I think I have narrowed it down to the Vertical Sleeve Gastronomy. It is a safer option than the full on gastric bypass as it does not reroute any of your intestines or anything like that. It has very few complications unlike the Lap Band which is definitely out for me as I have seen some horror stories about that one. The sleeve is laproscopic, 2 day hospital stay at the most, and a short recovery time.
The process is that they go in and remove a good portion of your stomach. What you are left with is a pouch that can hold just under a cup of food at a time. They remove the portion and then staple the rest closed. There is no messing around with the esophagus, the duodenum, or the intestines. Sometimes they recommend having your gallbladder removed at the same time as the sleeve can give you a higher risk for gall stones but it is not required.
Out of all of the "reviews" that I read on forums and such, only one person said that they regret having the sleeve done but that is because they didn't follow the rules after and ended up stretching the stomach to the point where they tore the staples out.
It is recommended that you see a therapist before thinking about surgery to make sure that you are mentally stable enough for it and are ready for it and all the challenges it could bring so I am going to set something up tomorrow to speak with someone. The only thing that I am afraid of is that some surgeons require you to lose 10 to 20 pounds before they will allow you to have the surgery. If I could lose weight I wouldn't be trying to do this in the first place. But not all surgeons require this so we will see.
I am still going to be doing research, nothing has been finalized in my head, and I am not going to rush into this or take this lightly. This is something that I need to take my time with and make sure it is the right thing for me as it is not something you can have reversed after it has been done.
Thank you to those of you who have sent me messages of support. I truly appreciate it. It is nice to know that people are there if I need them to be!
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Last Resort
I was thinking today as I was getting dressed and feeling my jeans were tighter yet again that I just can't do this on my own. I done the working out and eating right thing. I have done the yoga thing. I have done fad diets and juicing. Pretty much the only thing that I have not resorted to is starving myself or bulimia (I would rather be fat the rest of my life than attempt either of those). The only time that I have lost weight and not gained it in the last few years is a few pounds here and there with Weight Watchers but then began gaining instead of losing again, and then when I had my tonsils out (but that was not healthy or pleasant).
I know that there are some people who are going to look down on me for this. They are going to think that I am trying to take the easy way out and that I don't want to accept responsibility. I am only fat because of me right? Because secretly I don't want to change who I am because I don't care? Wrong. I wish I could be healthier (well, thinner really because I am actually pretty darn healthy other than the weight issue). I am not depressed, I don't have high blood pressure or cholesterol, my blood sugar is always within normal ranges. I am just fat. No matter what I do the weight comes back on. Insane weight gain is part of having PCOS but I am not going to use that as an excuse because there are plenty of women who have PCOS and are perfectly thin. I am sure that if I killed myself at the gym and ate nothing but veggies for good that I would probably drop some of the weight, but I would be miserable. I would have even less time than I have now with Cody and for myself, I would end up going on a junk food binge because I am not fond of green veggies for the most part and if I ate nothing but that I would be craving fatty foods.
I have known a few people who have taken the route that I am seriously contemplating taking and they have never been happier or thinner. I don't know what it's like to be thin. I never have been. I would love to be able to walk into a room and not feel like people are judging me instantly because I look the way I do. I would love to not have a lingering fear that I am not going to be able to get the seatbelt on the airplane done up. I want to go swimming without feeling like a beached whale in a bathing suit. My life would be so much better and happier if I were thin. Sorry if that sounds shallow, but I know that I would see a huge change in the way my life would be if I actually felt good about how I looked. I will avoid going out to places that I am not familiar with because I don't want to be seen by new people. This is an artificial world and people put a label on you the second they see you, before getting to know who you truly are. That is just the way we operate. I would like nothing more than to not have to worry about that judgement. I want to be able to take up running so I can do 5Ks with my friends. I would like to be able to exercise without my ACL feeling like it's about to tear away from my body because there is so much pressure on my knee. I would like to be able to run around with Cody and not feel so winded after just a few minutes.
So I guess that was my long-winded intro into why I am seriously considering gastric bypass. Think of it what you will, think I am lazy or like I am taking the easy way out. If that is what you think and you are entitled to your opinions. I know a few people who have been able to discipline themselves, do extreme workouts, eat healthy, and now look and feel aamzing, but that is not me. That is not who I am nor who I ever could be. I don't want to spend hours of the day that I already do not have in the gym. I do not want to deny myself of the foods that I am used to eating only to go on a food overdose later because I have quit cold turkey. If you are supportive of this decision, thank you. If not, please don't try and tell me that I am doing the wrong thing or that I am taking the easy way out. I have already thought that and if I am, I am, but at this point I am feeling like it is my only option to become healthy and happy at this point.
I know that there are some people who are going to look down on me for this. They are going to think that I am trying to take the easy way out and that I don't want to accept responsibility. I am only fat because of me right? Because secretly I don't want to change who I am because I don't care? Wrong. I wish I could be healthier (well, thinner really because I am actually pretty darn healthy other than the weight issue). I am not depressed, I don't have high blood pressure or cholesterol, my blood sugar is always within normal ranges. I am just fat. No matter what I do the weight comes back on. Insane weight gain is part of having PCOS but I am not going to use that as an excuse because there are plenty of women who have PCOS and are perfectly thin. I am sure that if I killed myself at the gym and ate nothing but veggies for good that I would probably drop some of the weight, but I would be miserable. I would have even less time than I have now with Cody and for myself, I would end up going on a junk food binge because I am not fond of green veggies for the most part and if I ate nothing but that I would be craving fatty foods.
I have known a few people who have taken the route that I am seriously contemplating taking and they have never been happier or thinner. I don't know what it's like to be thin. I never have been. I would love to be able to walk into a room and not feel like people are judging me instantly because I look the way I do. I would love to not have a lingering fear that I am not going to be able to get the seatbelt on the airplane done up. I want to go swimming without feeling like a beached whale in a bathing suit. My life would be so much better and happier if I were thin. Sorry if that sounds shallow, but I know that I would see a huge change in the way my life would be if I actually felt good about how I looked. I will avoid going out to places that I am not familiar with because I don't want to be seen by new people. This is an artificial world and people put a label on you the second they see you, before getting to know who you truly are. That is just the way we operate. I would like nothing more than to not have to worry about that judgement. I want to be able to take up running so I can do 5Ks with my friends. I would like to be able to exercise without my ACL feeling like it's about to tear away from my body because there is so much pressure on my knee. I would like to be able to run around with Cody and not feel so winded after just a few minutes.
So I guess that was my long-winded intro into why I am seriously considering gastric bypass. Think of it what you will, think I am lazy or like I am taking the easy way out. If that is what you think and you are entitled to your opinions. I know a few people who have been able to discipline themselves, do extreme workouts, eat healthy, and now look and feel aamzing, but that is not me. That is not who I am nor who I ever could be. I don't want to spend hours of the day that I already do not have in the gym. I do not want to deny myself of the foods that I am used to eating only to go on a food overdose later because I have quit cold turkey. If you are supportive of this decision, thank you. If not, please don't try and tell me that I am doing the wrong thing or that I am taking the easy way out. I have already thought that and if I am, I am, but at this point I am feeling like it is my only option to become healthy and happy at this point.
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