I Think a Change...Did Me Some Good

I kind of love clothes shopping now. Even though I am only down 2 dress sizes and still have to wear plus-sized stuff I have come to terms with what looks good and what does not. Before I would buy the biggest thing possible to hide any curves that I had. Now I am figuring out what is flattering and wearing clothes that are actually my size. I have been going on a dress buying spree lately and have been loving it. 

Yesterday I found a dress that I really wanted but was a little more $ than I wanted to spend. I consoled myself by saying that it wouldn't look good on me anyway and so I went to try it on in the dressing room, prepared to see how horrible it would look. Well guess what? It didn't look horrible at all. It looked great, fit great, and is so comfortable. Long story short I found coupons, and I bought it. I am so excited to wear it out tonight even though it is freezing out and not dress weather at all. This is me not caring!!

I have never liked going clothes shopping before. It was something that I had to do when I needed something new but most of the time I would wear hoodies. I didn't care if it was 90 degrees out, I wanted to hide my body because I was ashamed. As I have gone along in this process I have given up caring about what other people think about me. If they don't like the way I look, that is their prerogative. If I am comfortable in something I am going to wear it. I like this confidence.

My new attitude towards my body has drastically impacted my attitude with other things as well. I am more outgoing, I am happier, and I am not ashamed of who I am anymore.

I am 25 pounds lighter and so much happier than I have been in a long long time. 

Cravings...You Will Not Take Over

Today has been unnecessarily stressful. Usually when I am stressed out I eat. Part of the reason I got to the place that I did. I am craving a pizza so badly right now. I even went so far as to open my internet browser and head over to papajohns.com. I closed it and said no. Then a few minutes later I opened it again and logged in. I closed it again and said no. I opened it once more, logged in, put in my promo code and put my order together. I sat and looked at the checkout cart. Looked at all of the carbs, sodium, fat, and calories staring me in the face. That little voice in my head kept saying no no no no no. It isn't worth it.

I got up and walked into the bathroom. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I studied my lower abdomen which has become considerably smaller since I started this journey. I know I didn't get here by eating pizza. I didn't lose the weight I have lost so far by giving in to cravings and thinking "Tomorrow is another day, I can make it up tomorrow by eating well".

I sat back down and looked at the screen. I stared at it. I started at it for about 10 minutes before I closed the tab again. I am trying as hard as I can to fight that urge to order the pizza. It would be so easy. Just push the checkout button and boom. Stress gone. For about half an hour. Then I would spend the rest of the night stressing about how horribly I ate today and how awful the scale numbers are going to be tomorrow.

This is why depriving yourself of all of the foods that you used to eat is a bad thing. The cravings are horrible. On the other hand you can let yourself have certain things such as pizza in moderation as long as you stay under your calorie goal. However I know that once that pizza is in front of me there is no stopping me. It's like dumping chum in front of a shark. With that thought of a lack of self-control I know that I cannot order that pizza. I need to suck it up and eat something healthy. The cravings are not going to go away overnight but the important part is not giving in to them.

Sodium Is Killing Me!!!

I hate salty foods. I am not a salt kind of person. But every time I find a food that I like there is so much sodium in it it's not even funny. Like an egg white flatbread sandwich from Subway has over 1,800mg of sodium. That is an entire day's worth in one meal. I had a lot of sodium at dinner last night and paid for it in water weight on the scale this morning. Today I managed to stay under 1,000mg but I had to be really choosy about what I ate.

I was slightly disappointed to find that my cherry tomato and mozzarella cheese ball salad from Market Basket was so high in saturated fats because of the cheese but I looked some stuff and found out that it is not necessarily a bad thing. Fat and calories add up quickly so the more fat (preferably healthy fat) foods that you eat the less likely you are to overeat because you will have hit your calorie limit. Moderation is key I suppose! So I happily ate my cherry tomatoes and mozzarella cheese.

I did great with food today and had a lot of water to drink. On my first fifteen minute break at work today I went into the fitness room and did 15 minutes on the treadmill. It barely amounted to any distance but I burned 100 calories in 15 minutes so I would call that a success. I was going to do it on my last 15 too but didn't end up taking a second break.

I think I may have pushed myself a little too far yesterday. I walked around the loop we have at the office twice which equaled one mile. Then while I was on my lunch I did a hyped up cardio workout on the treadmill and have been dizzy ever since. I was extremely dizzy all day yesterday. It has mostly disappeared at this point but that is another reason I took it easy today. I am not sure why that happened but I know what my limit is I guess! The challenge will be working out tomorrow as I will be back at home without a treadmill or a nice campus to walk around. Youtube videos it is.

Breakfast - Greek Coco Almond Flip yogurt

Morning snack post workout - Almonds and a string cheese

Lunch - Half of a sesame roasted carrot and wheat bulger spinach salad, cherry tomatoes, mozzarella cheese balls

Afternoon snack - Italian macaroni salad

Dinner - Half of a small chicken pot pit

No evening snack.