Frustrations, Gains, and Losses

Hi everyone! It's been a frustrating week, to say the least. Even though I have continued eating well and staying within a healthy range for my points this week, I had gained 4 pounds back. I think I have dropped a couple over the last few days, we will see tomorrow when I weigh-in. I have tried not to weigh myself every day because it stresses me out when I put on a pound or two, even though there are so many reasons why that could happen.

I am having trouble reaching my points for the day. I can't seem to eat all of the points that they want me to eat, but I can't lower my daily point limit because it's set to what will fuel your body the best for the best weight gain without starving yourself. I am trying to load up on points in the morning to burn off through the day. I eat cheese, or a bagel with peanut butter, or granola. Lunch is my biggest problem. I don't like eating lunch, I am never hungry until 3pm and by that time it's almost dinner. I generally have a snack type food like fruit and veggies or something like that, but it certainly doesn't help me to rack up any points. It's a matter of balance and I need to find the balance. I lose more when I eat all of my points for the day so I really have to make sure that I am eating enough. Today I only have four points left so I may have a beer before bed. I had a grilled chicken salad for supper and added some cheese and ranch to it but only ate half of it, if that, so it didn't help with points either. I was pretty envious of my ex-hubs though, he had a delicious looking steak and cheese calzone that looked so so good.

I had too many points left for the day so I brought the kiddo out for ice cream after supper. I had a small one-scoop cotton candy ice cream which was 7 points (and so worth it).

I was talking to ex-hubs the other day about maybe getting the courage to sing in a band once my son is grown and I have more free time. He said that he may have me come on for a song with his band if I wanted to and I reminded him that I have no stage presence. I told him that despite how much I love karaoke, I hate being up on stage. I always feel like people are judging me for the way that I look (even though I know that my friends aren't, but others who I don't know I feel that they are). He told me that no, they were judging me for my amazing voice, not by the way I look. I love him for that, he reminded me of something positive when I was down on myself. I need more of that because I forget too often that I do have some positive qualities about me. After being teased and bullied my entire life because of my looks, it is hard to escape from the grips of a lack of self-esteem.

So I guess that is all today. Weigh-in day tomorrow, keep your fingers crossed for me!